Detroit emcee Red Pill by way of Mello Music Group released a new LP on August 26th titled Instinctive Drowning. The title track is available in video form and depicts the rapper attending a party where nobody notices him. Meant to convey the feeling of depression you see Pill go from confusion, to anger, to rage, to loneliness, to helplessness within the time frame of the track. Turning to liquor to deal with the deafening silence. The song equally captures the frustration by trying to cope with being an alcoholic in order to deal with that deep depression. While acknowledging what may be the catalyst for the disease he recognizes he is stuck on what may be an inescapable road. Like all stories it could have had a happy ending but reality is rarely so kind. I don’t usually post lyrics to songs, but below is the second verse from the song. As someone who has struggled with both alcoholism and depression for a large portion of my life, the song hits close to home but offers a certain level of comfort. Click here to purchase the album
You think that I don’t see the warning signs?
Death by the bottle, I’m immortalized
On every corner there’s a trigger for me
A pink neon sign saying there’s liquor pouring
A pink neon sign just to remind me of it
A pink neon sign saying my time is coming
Just shy of the age when her liver failed
Most of my money is spent on liquor sales
And you can talk about the reasons
You can chalk it up to talkin’ to my demons
Maybe it’s something gone undiagnosed
Maybe I’m scared of suicide so I’m dying slow
Yeah, Mr Slow Suicide with this big f***ing heart and regret is in his eyes
It’s only medicine
It’s only something to make me feel better when my head is in a f***ing tail spin
And I hate myself
When I’m overwhelmed with life and I can’t save myself
Went from a little to a 5th a day
I just want to go back, how did it get this way?
I just want to go back, how did it get this way?
I’m not f***ing stupid I can’t live this way
And what would Cath do without me?
What would Dad do without me?
Look what I would leave behind
But I feel like I’m losing my mind
I’m a loser, I sing the blues I’m not doing too fine
The other night I had a dream, I’m in a car without a driver in the passenger seat
And right behind me was my mother and a child
And I smiled
She hadn’t come to see me in a while
The thing about dreams is nothing is odd
We were flying down the lodge, I was thinking about God
The mood started to change
Looked back and my mother slowly turned to remains
The baby was gone and I looked to my right
Out the window and they had taken the good in my life
And like a movie, a car pulled up next to me
Couldn’t tell who it was driving the hooptie
He pulled up ahead and pulled out a gun
I tried yelling but my words wouldn’t come
He points it at me, then I hear from the sky
I’m going to make you famous
I’m going to make you famous
I’m going to make you famous
I’m going to make you famous
I’m going to make you famous
I’m going to make you famous
And then came the “bang”